The Dark Android…Refrigerator?

At the Dark Android Project, I’ve dabbled a few times with applying the anonymity, privacy, and security principles (DAPS) to other devices such as e-readers, Android Auto, iOS devices, and the like. Well, this will certainly be the most ambitious Dark Android mini-project yet…a Samsung Dark Android-styled refrigerator!

Most people know Samsung for their Galaxy-series entries into the smartphone, tablet, and Android Wear (and Tizen wearables, yes) markets, but most people don’t realize just how much Samsung actually creates outside of those markets (did you know they practically build submarines?), and just how “smart” they’re trying to make everything.

This includes the humble household refrigerator. In the past year or so, some have started getting these “smart refrigerators” put into their homes (I talked about them years ago on my science and tech podcast, Sovryn Tech), and they are already connecting their apps–such as Google Calendar–and syncing them with their shiny new appliance.

Let’s take a look at some of the results from the Product Forum at GooglesamsungfridgeOh…oh dear. That doesn’t look good. I can’t believe that you can’t sync your Google Calendar with your refrigerator! Why…without the ability to do that…how are you ever going to…wait…what the fuck would you do with your calendar and refrigerator synced? What, is it going to tell you when the milk is bad? Do you realize how long the milk would have to sit in there without you touching it for it to go bad? Let me guess, you travel a lot, right? So you don’t keep track of how the food is doing in your refrigerator, right? Well if you travel so goddamned much, why the fuck do you need a “smart refrigerator”?! Wouldn’t some little upright job suit you better?

How out of fucking touch with reality are people that buy these damned things? Are you trying to impress somebody because you can do something (I still don’t know what) with your refrigerator from your smartphone? Honestly, if I saw somebody doing that in their house. I’d swiftly put my shoes back on and as kindly as possible walk out the door in abject terror that I am spending time with someone that clearly doesn’t have an ounce of common sense and has more money than brains and that they’d somehow cause me to lose both as well (and as the saying goes, a fool and his money are soon parted…hence the refrigerator)!

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You, too, can spend an extra $1500 on a refrigerator to be able to takes notes on it! Or you could spend $1 on a magnetic dry erase board.

Image not courtesy of Samsung, because Samsung clearly doesn’t understand courtesy. 

Look, no, there is no Dark Android Refrigerator. Nor will there ever be. While these refrigerators are running with Android or at least Android-compatibility layers…these are just fucking stupid. I have no desire to send a Telegram message from my refrigerator either. Even Star Trek had the good sense to not attach every ability and every little stitch of information about you to the replicators. I find it so humorous when people respond to one’s complaints by saying, “Well, if you don’t like it, you need to give people alternatives!”

Bullshit.

There are no alternatives to this market nonsense that an actual freed market would promptly get tossed out the door, nor does there need to be. Not everything needs an alternative to offer to people. There’s no alternative to a navy, and as Judge Andrew Napolitano said, “Who says you need a navy?” And the point is sound. These nonsense Internet of Targets…I’m sorry, Internet of Things…products like smart refrigerators need to die a fast death, nothing more. While it seems cliche to say, there really is nothing wrong with refrigerators as is, as they’re already about as power efficient as they can be.

And the ridiculousness of it doesn’t even get into the fact that these connected smart refrigerators would just be another security hole in your life. Even with your Google Calendar connected…would someone suddenly get access to your calendar? Would it be a Trojan Horse onto your home WiFi network somehow? Companies are starting to take Internet of Things security seriously, but whole product lines have been released without a care in the world by the likes of Samsung already. It’s amazing what corporations will unleash on the world just to make their R&D and shipment bottom lines look good.

So again, no Dark Android device here. Just a warning. Save yourself the headache, the potential security hole, and the gelt from smart refrigerators. In fact, stay away from the Internet of Targets/Things entirely.

Carpe lucem!

 

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